In Other News, Police Search For Owner of Severed Leg

As I was enjoying my morning bowl of cheerios, or more specifically, my generic toasted oats cereal because the brand name kind costs $4 a box and the generic version is half that, and I can’t tell the difference in taste once the application of milk and sliced banana or blueberries has been administered, the local news lady announced that a severed leg had washed ashore in someone’s backyard and police are looking for the person who owns the leg! Shocking, I know, and not just the length of my opening run-on sentence but that the local police think the owner of said severed leg is still among the living.

I don’t know about you, but if I awoke to discover that I was missing a leg, my first phone call would be to the local authorities.  I think it is clear that our local news lady meant to say “owned the leg.” She went on to say that there were no identifying marks on said leg, but since the leg was clean shaven, police think it belonged to a woman.

Now that’s limiting your thinking. There are many men who shave their legs. I’ve known men who shave their legs. Body builders, competitive swimmers and transvestites all shave their legs. Ok, I don’t personally know any transvestites unless they are closet transvestites, but why keep that kind of secret in the closet? Being a transvestite makes you infinitely more interesting than a competitive swimmer.

There was no mention of whether the severed leg also included the foot and its appendages. Now if the toes were still there, and the toenails were polished a lovely shade of anything other than clear, I think it would be safe to eliminate male body builders and competitive swimmers from the potential victim pool. Transvestites would still have to be considered especially the ones with a penchant for open-toed shoes.

I am anxiously awaiting the news of what body parts will be discovered next and happy to know I made the right choice in not purchasing waterfront property as I would hate to discover random body parts had washed ashore in my backyard.