Observant Goat Didn’t Find Chicken Tender’s Freshness To Be Inappropriate

So I’m back from goat herding and cat sitting though I didn’t sit on any cats. There were also a couple of horses that demanded my attention twice a day or three times really because this year unlike previous years they received the added treat of beet mash with their evening oats and chaff and the beet mash had to be soaked in water for about an hour before doling it out because apparently beet mash is best consumed in a wet state which would be Florida the last few days or weeks. The weather guy said we’ve had about 15 inches of rain since June 1st. That’s probably why the ground is so wet and my backyard sports waterfront property but not water sports because it’s really just a bit of standing water which will be gone after a couple of sunny days.

Some of you may recall that whilst herding goats and sitting with cats, I was to experience life as a chicken tender but not the deep fried kind, but the scatter chicken feed and collect just out of the chicken fresh eggs kind. Sadly, or happily, depending upon how you feel about my getting the chance to be a chicken tender (I remain ambivalent), there were no chickens to tend as they failed to reach full chicken status. Coyotes are suspected in the murder of all the chicks. All that remained were feathers and a bit of blood. Happily, in this case though I was sad for the little chicks, I never had to see the evidence.

My only regret in not being able to list ‘Chicken Tender’ on my resume or curriculum vitae if you want to get all Latin about it, is I didn’t get a chance to sample a fresh out of the chicken egg. I wonder if it tastes different from the ones in the carton from the store. It’s hard to know how fresh those eggs are. Sure, they put an expiration or ‘sell by’ date on them but we have no way of knowing when that sell by date was stamped on the package and I think that would be useful information. Maybe they should have a ‘stamped on’ date as well as the ‘sell by’ date so we would know just how fresh those eggs are.

Of course, the really observant observer would note that not being able to list ‘Chicken Tender’ on my resume was also a regret so not only was ‘only’ inappropriate in the previous paragraph, it was untrue. Of course, the really observant observer would have to be a longtime reader or maybe have just read whatever post it was where I said I was looking forward to being able to list ‘Chicken Tender’ on my resume because not everyone can claim to be a professional Chicken Tender. I could embellish my resume anyway with my Chicken Tender claims because people often embellish their resumes but I tend not to do that.

While I was in the land of NO cellphone reception and intermittent and slow internet access, I celebrated a little blogaversary. The previous sentence is untrue. Not the part about the NO cellphone reception or the intermittent and slow internet access or even the blogaversary part, but the celebration part. I didn’t celebrate. I didn’t realize it had even come until it had already gone. There was no sexual innuendo in the previous sentence though I’m sure some of you were thinking it and apparently so was I or why would I even bring it up?

I did celebrate my birthday yesterday. I turned 29 for the 27th time or 39 for the 17th time or 50 for the 6th time. Yes, I’m thirty twenty-six! It’s how I like to think of it because forty sixteen doesn’t have the same ring to it, probably because it used different words or in this case numbers which happened to be words. You might not think thirty twenty-six is a real number, but that’s because I spelled it out with letters instead of using the Arabic symbols for the numbers. I wonder if Arab phobic people will ever insist we stop using an Arab system of numbers and go back to Roman numerals. I don’t think most people could cope with that.  Not to mention all the calculators would have to be changed. And phones and computers. I have difficulty keeping the ‘L’ and ‘D’ straight not that they are in constant need of straightening but I can never remember which is 50 and which is 500 and that might make a difference in a calculation, though I don’t pretend to be a math wizard which is why I often spell numbers instead of using the symbols. There is some sort of style rule that applies, but I don’t pretend to know that either.

Instead, I celebrated the anniversary of being expelled from a warm safe space into the harsh cruel world by robbing other creatures of their lives. It seemed fitting. Yes, I went scalloping yesterday. We endured a brief downpour in the river on our way out to the gulf, but once out there, the sun appeared and the water was warm and we collected bivalve mollusks. Then we anchored outside the channel near the mouth of the river and separated bivalve mollusk meat from the shells and tossed the shells and guts overboard to be eaten by other sea creatures which may even include other bivalve mollusks. Sea creatures are not picky eaters and sometimes practice cannibalism. And you thought this paragraph’s opening sentence’s use of harsh cruel world might be a bit harsh. Sadly, it was not though it was a bit prophetic and sad. But only for the scallops.

I guess what I’m trying to say and it took almost 1000 words, or M words if you’re feeling all Roman numerally, to say is, I’m back.

This is my best scallop picture ever! And yes, the ever is redundant. There can only be one best. And this was it and it happened on the last day of summer.

This is a picture of a scallop. I didn’t take it yesterday because I didn’t have an underwater camera yesterday but I took this last year when I went scalloping with an underwater camera. There were people there, too, it wasn’t just me and the camera and the scallop.But it’s not a problem that the picture is a year old because scallops still look like this. Evolution isn’t relatively slow, it is extremely slow.



The Very Cherry Abby Normal Spicy Megan Birthday Punch

Normally, I wouldn’t extol the virtues of being very normal since I prefer a state of abnormality as there is a certain je ne sais quoi vibe that accompanies existing in the Abby Normal realm though you needn’t adhere to a strictly black and white lifestyle whilst visiting but you can use random French phrases like je ne sais quoi  or viva la abbynormalcy. It’s possible that abbynormalcy isn’t a French word or an English word but that’s the upside of an Abby Normal lifestyle, you can make up words to turn any normal occasion into an abnormal occasion. But this isn’t an abnormal occasion, or even a normal occasion.

This is the Very Normal occasion of Miss Megan’s birthday. She’s of such a young age that she’s probably excited about her birthday and I’m excited she’s excited. She’ll be even more excited to know that her dear friend and blogger extraordinaire, H.E.Ellis, has thrown together a birthday party just for her.  And if that’s not exciting enough, we, with we being the birthday party throwers, are to create a new drink in Miss Megan’s honor.

Now, new drink creation requires experimentation so I spent the day but not today if you are reading this on April 15th which is the big Very Normal birthday celebration day but yesterday which is the day I found out that I needed to conduct experiments of the fermented liquid kind to arrive at the best drink to honor such a Very Normal girl as our sweet Megan. Then I had to sober up just a wee bit to write this Very Normal birthday wish.

I’m sure Miss Megan will be delighted by all her new drink choices because she is an aspiring writer and aspiring writers like to drink while they aspire to writing or at least that’s the way Hemingway approached his craft. He was so good at drinking while aspiring that he got a bar named after him in Key West. He also got six-toed cats named after him but I don’t think alcohol was involved with that.

I tried a few mash ups with vodka because of the obvious potato reference and the idea of naming a drink a Megatini or maybe a Meganini but then I saw the bottle of tequila and who doesn’t like tequila, not to mention I thought Meganita would be a very obvious choice for a name of a drink for a drink vaguely margarita-ish to honor Miss Megan. Of course, if slightly intoxicated me thought that would be an obvious choice then surely one of the other party throwers might choose that so clearly I had to go in a different direction.

I needed to choose a liquor that would lead back to Megan in that circular logic kind of way that dwellers of the Abby Normal realm tend to use. Now, she is an aspiring writer who has written about dragons and I’m sure most people think about pirates when they think about dragons or maybe that’s just slightly intoxicated me, but I think of pirates when I think of dragons and that (the pirates not the dragons) makes me think of rum. Coincidentally, rum is my favorite mixable beverage and my rum of choice is every pirate’s dragon dreaming choice. Of course, I’m talking Captain Morgan Spiced Rum.

I like it because I can drink copious amounts with no ill effects and it mixes so well with Coke and a twist of lime or Seven-Up or ginger ale or sometimes just a squirt of lime juice because you realize you’ve run out of mixers. But all those mixers are oh so ordinary and even though Megan thinks of herself as Very Normal, I think she is Very Special so she needs a mixer that truly mixes it up and takes you by surprise and then lets you just melt into it so that you lean back in your chair with a smile on your face as you think to yourself, “That’s a Very Cherry Abby Normal Spicy Megan Birthday Punch!” or maybe “That’s pretty tasty!” Either way, you’ll be smiling.

Now, recipes with exact measurements are written by those with the means of exactly measuring ingredients. Sadly, I am not one of those exact measurement types but I will describe my process which is what writers like to do and I like to pretend I’m a writer so it should all work out.

Take a glass. I used one of those largish Tervis type glasses that those who enjoy tropical outdoor lifestyles or just want to pretend they do use. Then I poured some Captain Morgan Spiced Rum in it. I’d say there was about three or four fingers worth so maybe an ounce or two. Then I filled the glass up with ice. I used cubes rather than crushed but I’m not sure that it matters although crushed ice might give it a slushy feel so I might try that next time. Then I added one of my new drink discoveries, Mike’s Hard Black Cherry Lemonade, and used that to fill up the glass. And voila! You not only have another random French word, you have a Very Cherry Abby Normal Spicy Megan Birthday Punch.

In the interest of almost full disclosure, my friend, Chris, came up with the ingredients for this drink after I ran out of mixer ideas, and his recipe is indeed very yummy, but I came up with the name and it honors our honoree. So, Miss Megan, I hope today is your best Very Normal birthday yet! Enjoy your very first Very Cherry Abby Normal Spicy Megan Birthday Punch and all the other drinks mixed up just for you!

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Foolishness Seekers Of The World Unite And Wish Happiness To The One Who Started It All (This May Be A Slight Exaggeration)

I just found out that today is a very special day and not just because it is Remember Pearl Harbor Day Eve. No, today is the birthday of one of the greatest bloggers on the planet. I would have said ‘in the universe’ but I’m not sure if there is blogging in other parts of the universe.

He’s not great because he writes every day. He’s great because he is everywhere. Everywhere I go, I see his gravatar and comments. He almost always comments. He is generous with praise and encouragement. He has a wonderful taste in music read on >>