We had another of our great conversations last night. We have them almost every night. I’m only telling you this because you weren’t there. Not really. Some might say I was talking to myself. But that doesn’t capture the essence of what transpired. I could see you slouched on the couch, beer in hand, smiling that smile that makes me smile just thinking about it. And I admit that I did most of the talking which is so unlike our actual conversations where you carry the conversational load, but I could hear your voice when you asked a question or commented on my commentary. And we laughed. Quite a lot.
Not healthy. That’s what most would say. Not healthy to have imaginary conversations with someone you will never see again. ‘Not never’ is what you said. Never is what I felt when you told me you were leaving. But that last day we spent together, you really wanted to know if I thought we would see each other again. You kept asking me that question.
“Seems unlikely,” was my answer which works in more situations that you might think possible. And still you pushed me for a more definitive answer.
“Depends.” This works in almost every situation because almost everything is relative. Of course, you didn’t like that answer. You sometimes view the world in black and white when I tend to see it in shades of so many different colors. And it’s not possible to know what the future may bring while we are still in the present. But still, you pushed. You had to know.
Sometimes when you replay the past over and over again, the details start to blur. You know the gist of it, the mood of the moment, the guts of what was exposed, but the little nuanced details that took you from the start to the end, those start to blur, just a bit. The exact words get jumbled up and then you think you know what happened, but maybe you don’t. Not really.
And sometimes, you see the exact moment when the mood shifts, the momentum changes, the players realize you can see right through them. You know the world has shifted on its axis and you know your life will never again be the same. Those moments stand out.
I know I’m a day late and probably many dollars short, but this is in response to the daily post writing challenge of a twenty minute stream of consciousness writing exercise.
Great post…begs the question – where did he/she go and why?
Thanks, Wendy! I may have to tackle that question in another post.
Perfect. I await that post with bated breath!!
Sometimes that moment of shift isn’t realized til long after the fact.
Sounds like it was one hell of a conversation…
Sometimes hindsight gives you insight. I have great conversations with myself! Hope all is well in your world, my friend!
We should not dwell in the past too much. Everyone has the habit of reconstructing their mistakes and mishaps.
You are SO right! For many of my moments, staying in the present moment is my greatest challenge
For most of us I feel
That stream flowed strongly – and inexorably.
Thank you so much, Colonialist.
Everything is relative … and “as compared to what” is the key because different comparisons lead to different conclusions. Regarding the past, we must learn from it, but not dwell on it. In the present, we use the past and our knowledge of the present to guide us. Well done, Sandy … good stuff to ponder.
Thanks, Frank. I ponder quite often but rarely write down my ponderings.
Cheers to your ponderings!