Cheese Distraught That Food Court Sentences Butter To Jail

I don’t know if you’ve been spending much time around conservatives lately, but they’re a glum lot. It’s as if they just found out their favorite hunting dog was run over by a Prius driving transgender vegan. I’m not quite sure how to console them, the conservatives, not the Prius driving transgender vegan though I’m sure he or she would be distraught about running over a dog.  So when my conservative friends invariably start on their world is going to end soliloquies, I just smile and ask them if they’ve ever had a vegan brownie.

I didn’t even know there was such a thing as vegan brownies until last week. In an effort to distract myself from the nonstop nasty political ads I browsed vegan recipes on  Allrecipes.com. I’m not a vegan but I’ve been thinking about ways I could refine my mostly healthy eating habits. I don’t think I could be a vegan because I like cheese and eggs. And butter. I don’t use large amounts of butter because while everything is better with butter, it’s also true that just a little dab’ll do you, though that slogan wasn’t for butter. But it works for butter.

I suppose I could be a lacto-ovo vegetarian for a few days a week. I couldn’t be a lacto-ovo vegetarian everyday of the week because I like steak and hot wings and pepperoni, but I could do it a few days a week. I already practice meatless Mondays on Mondays unless I decide to eat meat on a Monday then I move Meatless Monday to another day, usually Tuesday. This is going to be one of those weeks when Meatless Monday takes place on Tuesday because I had a chicken sandwich for lunch at the mall.

I wasn’t planning to go to the mall, but it turns out I had to buy clothes for a soon to be ex-convict so after that chore was done I stopped at the food court before the long drive home. I don’t know the soon to be ex-convict that well. He’s the brother of a friend but my friend lives in Miami and her brother is in jail in the next county over from where I live. Apparently, he was arrested while in his underwear and a t-shirt so he needs some clothes and shoes (he was also barefoot when arrested) to wear when he gets released on the 15th.

He’s getting released at 12:01 a.m. How weird is that? It just seems odd to release people from jail in the middle of the night, but I suppose they don’t want to have to feed them breakfast. But even though he won’t get breakfast, at least he’ll have clothes and shoes to wear.

I also contributed a small bit to feeding the hungry today. I wasn’t planning on it, but when I was buying the soon to be ex-convict’s clothes the cashier asked me if I wanted to round up to the nearest dollar with the difference going to feed the hungry. It’s just about impossible to say no to that. I’m not sure how much food thirty-two cents will buy, but I suppose every little bit helps.

You may have wondered how I was going to get back to the vegan brownies. I was wondering, too, but now that problem is solved because here we are. When I discovered the vegan brownie recipe I thought it would be simple and tasty. It sounded simple. I may not be remembering the quantities correctly so if you decide to make them you might want to visit Allrecipes.com, but let’s just say it was a cup of nuts (I used almonds), a cup of raisins (I used dates) and 1/4 cup of unsweetened cocoa powder (I used a little more than what was called for and I added a tiny drizzle of honey). You put all that in a food processor or blender and process or blend, then press it into an 8×8 pan. Cut and serve.

While the vegan brownies are quite tasty. It takes a long time to turn nuts to butter which is what you need to keep the brownies from being too crumbly. I thought the motor on my food processor was going to overheat. I don’t have the mack daddy food processor. I have its smaller cousin. I think if I make them again, I’ll buy vegan almond butter if there is such a thing as vegan almond butter, although I suppose non-vegan almond butter would be okay. Since I’m not a vegan I don’t have to be so strict about  such things.

Much as I didn’t know how to get back to vegan brownies, I don’t know how to end this bit of nonsense. I think I just need a few sentences to tie everything up. So if you find yourself surrounded by gloomy conservatives, you can tell them that prisoners are released in the middle of the night in an effort to save taxpayers the cost of breakfast. If that doesn’t cheer them up, you can ask them if they’ve ever had a vegan brownie.

This is not the chicken that provided the meat for my sandwich although I did call this chicken Dinner.

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17 thoughts on “Cheese Distraught That Food Court Sentences Butter To Jail

    • The media/press would only be hanging about if it’s a high profile case and in that case, I don’t think it would matter what time of day or night. The lack of fresh clothes is probably more the case.

      • Oh, here there’s always a scandal or horrible incident the media wants to portray – even if the people are unknown – our news is getting worse than ambulance chasing lawyers trying to get a juicy story they can blow out of proportion.
        Oh, forgot to say I love your post title….did the butler do it? (always insisting on real butter – no substitute – and he has a knife!)

    • I’m not sure how hipsters dress, but he’s a big guy so my choices were a bit limited. I found a pair of jeans, a generic polo shirt, shoes and socks and the shirt and shoes were on sale – woohoo.

  1. Sandy, I am a gloomy conservative. Don’t even get me started. Not even a full fat, non-vegan, Betty Crocker, double fudge brownie could help me to snap out of it.
    Great post except for the part that reminded me that my guy lost. 😉

  2. Why go to Orlando? We can just stop north of Tampa to be whirled and twirled and left confused and breathless for much less money. So, it wasn’t so much a recipe as a set of vague suggestions.

  3. I asked my husband once if he would be willing to do Meatless Mondays, he shot back with – Only if you’re willing to have Braless Sundays…hhmmm…(funny post and that was very nice of you to help out the gentleman with some clothes!)

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