I’m not sure why you keep emailing me, but today’s email was a little disturbing. I don’t mind the emails where you let me know that some bit of banality that you assume I would care about has been twitted if that is an acceptable way of describing how bits of banality find their way onto the Twitterverse. I don’t mind the emails telling me someone has decided to follow me though I am shocked that anyone would. And it’s not that I don’t think I would be capable of twitting bits of banality. I’m quite sure I would be up to the task. I do write a blog after all, which is just longer bits of banality though I tend to think of it as amusing bits of nothing. But I don’t twit or tweet.
I used to tweet way back when you were young. It was all so very new and quasi-interesting to follow the rich and famous and the wannabe rich and famous. I think I may have sent a total of 20 or 30 tweets. But rather quickly, I grew tired of it. Maybe if I had tweeted with a fancy phone I would be addicted to it, but I tweeted on a computer because I didn’t have a fancy phone. I still don’t have a fancy phone. Some or perhaps many of the people in your ‘verse might wonder how a person could get by on just actual voice calls and text messages. Very easily and cheaply. I am not a slave to the phone – always checking every little ping or beep. Of course, I’m probably not normal.
I never closed my account with you. When I started writing a blog, I discovered it had an automatic tweet feature and I thought well why not, so I changed my Twitter name from tinysalsadancer to sandylikeabeach and turned that feature on but not in a sexually provocative way. You might be thinking that technically I am tweeting, but I tend to think of it as tweeting by proxy.
But back to the email you sent me this morning that so disturbs me. You opened by saying “Some people you may know.” You have quite a few people who use your service so it is possible I may know some, though none of my close friends are twitterers. So I was quite eager to see who you thought I may know.
First up Collective Soul. This isn’t so much a someone as it is a something. I’m surprised you think I run in the same social circles as a commercially successful band. I wouldn’t describe myself as a Collective Soul fan and would probably not mention them in a list of bands I was fond of, though they do have one song I like. In fact I downloaded it from iTunes at the beginning of the year, but how could you know that?
Next you suggested Barack Obama. I’m guessing you didn’t mean you had found people I might actually know in the sense of having met, had a conversation or two kind of way. It is more a ‘know of’ situation. I suppose this particular choice could be thought of as a 50/50 shot. Or do you some how know I regularly visit progressive news sites?
Lastly, you suggested Larry Wentz. I have no idea who this is so it was kind of you to include that he has some sort of weight loss program. You think I have a weight problem? It is true that I have recently embarked on a fitness program, though it is more to feel better than to lose a significant amount of weight. I weigh 114 pounds on a bad day so I don’t think it is possible to lose a significant amount of weight. But I can be stronger, more flexible, have more stamina which is why I visited the CollageVideo site and ordered a couple of yoga DVDs. But how could you know that?
All these coincidences have weirded me out. I’m considering closing my account, though as you must know, I am a procrastinator, so there is usually a bit of a lag between considering an action and taking action. So in the mean time, please don’t send me any more creepy emails.
And to think I used to worry that all this tweeting would turn us into twits. I was worrying about the wrong thing.
One of the many,