Beware The Weredeer While Crossing The Middle Of Nowhere

One of the more interesting things that happened to me in the last week was I was involved in a run-and-hit accident, though I would classify it as a run-and-hit-and-run accident because the it that ran into me kept on running, or at least managed to get to the tree line. I wrote ‘it’ because I’m not quite sure what ran and hit me and hen ran away. Let me set the scene.

It was late one night or early one morning depending on how you feel about the hours just past midnight. If I haven’t been to bed then I think of those hours as late one night, but if I have been to bed then I think of those hours as early one morning and I think that covers all of the options. Since I hadn’t been to bed, let’s go with late one night which was about 2 in the morning. It was late and I was doing about 55 miles an hour down a two-lane road in the middle of nowhere which just happens to be not far from where I live.

Now, I say I was doing 55, but I may have been doing 56 or possibly 58, but for insurance purposes, let’s say I was doing the posted speed limit. And as I was cruising down this two-lane road in the middle of nowhere on the way home which wasn’t far from where I was, all of a sudden BAM. I used all capitals because it was really loud and a little frightening, but not as frightening as power tools or baby bunny screams. As soon as I heard the BAM I glanced in the side rear view mirror because the BAM sounded like it came from the rear of the car. I glimpsed what I would later describe and apparently, I’m still describing it that way, as a large gray wolf like creature. I know it wasn’t a gray wolf because a gray wolf is not indigenous to these parts. It could have been a werewolf but we were a couple of days past the full moon and I’m not sure how strictly they keep to that full moon thing. So it was probably a deer or possibly a weredeer. I believe the weredeers come out when it’s not a full moon otherwise the werewolves would eat them.

But whatever it was it didn’t hang around after slamming into the rear quarter panel of my car. Yes, I know car talk. I was left with a large gap between where the bumper wraps around the car and meets the left rear quarter panel. The left rear wheel cover was cracked and there were little hairs in the cracks. I didn’t know the part about the wheel cover until later because when I stopped to see what hit me, it was too dark to see the damage to the wheel cover. But once home, which wasn’t long because it wasn’t that far, maybe ten miles, I examined the damage by the light of the garage door opener light. That’s when I noticed the hairs in the wheel cover. But there wasn’t any blood  or brain matter or anything other than the hairs, so I felt better about that.

So the next morning I called the insurance company and explained how late the previous night I was driving at the posted speed limit and a deer crossing the road slammed into the back of my car and caused minor damage. I left out the part about the possibility that it was a weredeer because insurance people might not believe in weredeer. Jessica, the Insurance customer service representative I spoke to about the run-and-hit accident, said deer normally run in front of cars so I was feeling pretty special about my weredeer accident.

But my weredeer euphoria was short-lived. I went to see the insurance adjuster today. When I showed him the hairs in the cracked wheel cover he said it was definitely a deer, but he wasn’t sure if it was a weredeer. I say he wasn’t sure, but I didn’t ask him, because insurance people don’t believe in the possibility of weredeer.  He did say he sees quite a few side impacts from deer. I nodded my head in silent agreement because that is what a nod is, and then he said it was very unusual to see a hit to the rear quarter panel as most deer side impacts are to the front quarter panel but the damage usually continues down the side of the vehicle. My weredeer euphoria was returning. Brian, the insurance adjuster, said I was very fortunate.

Then Brian did something that almost took my breath away. He ran his hand over my bumper and put his fingers in the crack, tenderly probing along the edges. Then he firmly massaged and pushed against the bumper, gently at first and then with a little more firmness. And he snapped the bumper into the quarter panel and it looks like new or like it did when I bought it used in 2008.

So all I need is a new wheel cover and he wrote an estimate for that so I know what the price should be when I go to the dealer to order a new wheel cover. The wheel cover is less than my deductible, but it’s still going to be about $100 or more if I have the dealer install it. But the cracks aren’t that noticeable and the hairs make for an interesting story if anyone even notices the cracks. I can tell them to beware, which is not to be confused with be aware because I needed beware for the title, the weredeer when crossing the middle of nowhere which may or may not be near where I live. There are quite a few middle of nowheres in the world. Take care and beware when you find yourself in one of them.

This isn’t a weredeer. This is a donkey. His name is Bo.

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16 thoughts on “Beware The Weredeer While Crossing The Middle Of Nowhere

    • It might be, but if enough people get it and move here or there depending on which middle of nowhere we are referring to, it won’t be the middle of nowhere because everyone will be there and there aren’t many people in the middle of any nowhere, just weredeers and you need to beware of them.

    • I think I was more lucky than wary. Apparently, in doing some research, the prevailing thinking is to sound the car’s horn every few minutes when driving in weredeer territory at night, although the research only mentioned deer, but I’m sure it would apply to weredeer, too.

  1. Glad neither you nor the car nor (hopefully) the weredeer weren’t hurt too badly.
    I think you should take the insurance money and set up an institute to teach insurance agents about the existence of weredeer.

  2. My son hit a deer recently and it took off the side view mirror. I’m pretty sure that if they hit the car that hard that they suffer internal bleeding and usually die. I’m glad that you didn’t get hurt and that your car had only minor damage. I wish there was a way to deter the deer from crossing the roads. There’s a beautiful preserve near us and even though the animals have 10 acres or more of land, they always end up crossing the road! Can’t they just recognize a good thing when they have it? : (

    • I’m not sure the deer know they are supposed to keep to the natural preserves we set up for them. If they do know, then they don’t respect the boundaries that have been imposed upon them. Of course, I might be the same way. I always think it’s a thrill to glimpse wildlife in a the wild and I’m willing to take a chance encounter with a weredeer for that thrill.

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