How To Write Naked: Taking Off Your Clothes

I am beginning to think there may be an infinite number of things to say about how to write a blog. I’m already up to Part 5 of my seemingly endless series of blog writing tips and I haven’t even skimmed the surface of how to write a blog. Or perhaps I have only been skimming the surface. That is a debate I am not prepared to have at this particular point in time. Maybe later. But be that as it may, and whether or not you are given to debate, I have decided on a name for this series which will last until I stop writing this series and then the series will come to an end.

But all of that has nothing to do with how I came up with the title for the series. When I was working on the title for the previous tip, I did what I have been doing of late although we will discuss the topic of titles at a later date so remember this because I may not remember to bring it up. I took random words from the post and rearranged them until I liked the result. My first try at the title was Joe Friday Gets Crossed By Fudge Covered Bacon With A Gnat’s Attention Span. Then I modified that slightly by adding the word ‘Naked’ before the ‘Joe.’ Then I thought it might be a tad too long. Shocking, I know. I rarely find anything to be a tad too long. But I erred on the side of a shorter title might be better and dropped With A Gnat’s Attention Span.

Then I realized that the number of people who recognize the Joe Friday reference is dwindling and in fact, might be detrimental in attracting a reader’s attention, so I dropped it. The mention of Joe Friday, plus the word ‘Gets,’ that is. Then I was left with Naked Crossed By Fudge Covered Bacon, which even for my taste didn’t do much. So then I dropped the Crossed By, just because. Now, I was down to Naked Fudge Covered Bacon which made even less sense because if the Bacon was Covered by Fudge then it wasn’t Naked.

But to make a what I thought was a short story even shorter, I went back and pulled a few more random words out and mixed them up until I ended up with How To Write Naked: A Very Buff Fudge Covered Bacon Food Blog. And this satiated all my title desires. There was length. There was naked imagery. And it didn’t really have anything to do with the actual post that it was a title of. I believe they call that a win-win-wn.

But it should be thought of as a win-win-win-win since I decided to call the seemingly endless series of blog writing tips the How To Write Naked series of blog writing tips. And this works on another level. The level of me being naked or mostly naked when I write. I am sure this is how all great writers write. Or maybe just great blog writers write naked. Or perhaps, I am part of a very tiny faction of solitary blog writers that rarely venture out in the world so they see no purpose in the putting on of clothes. It is probably one of those.

Now, you may want to try naked writing but you do your best work while at an overpriced java joint and you know public nudity is frowned upon there so you think about joining the local nudist colony. Happily, they (the nudists at the colony) allow you to try the amenities with a guest pass before you commit to joining the cult. Once there, you enter the coffee area with just your laptop and a power cord. But then you realize there have probably been quite a few bare bottoms in the chair you are about to place your bare bottom on and you get a little icked out and then you think how nice it would be if you had a small towel right about now and then you finally get that towel reference in that book you read so long ago. It is then that you realize a nudist colony is not the place for you. It is more a place for hard core nudists than it is for someone who just wants to try naked writing.

So then you plan a naked writing vacation to one of those French Caribbean islands because those are the islands that have naked beaches. Or rather, they have naked people on the beaches. All beaches are always naked unless someone covers a tiny part of them with a towel. And this time you’ll remember to bring your towel. You figure that since they allow public nudity on the beach, they allow it everywhere, but sadly this is not true. However, the great thing about taking your lap top to the naked beach, is that when it is open in your lap, it serves as screen so all of your pink parts are less exposed. The bad thing is the sand tends to get everywhere, even if you are sitting on a towel. Then you realize that it would have been much easier and cheaper to stay home and just remove your clothes in the confines of your bedroom and give the naked writing a go. Of course, then you wouldn’t have had that wild fling with the bongo player in the house band at that little bar on the naked beach.

Fortunately, there is yet another level to the previously mentioned level or levels and it doesn’t involve the taking off of clothes. Having a blog post that uses the same word to mean different things at the same time is how you achieve multi-levelness and it, in fact, makes you a great multi-leveler which is different from a great multi-tasker which is a myth. There are no great multi-taskers. There are only people doing lots of things poorly and calling themselves great because they never bothered to learn basic time management skills. But back to the multi-leveling.

The yet another level I referred to in the previous paragraph would be that naked doesn’t necessarily mean not wearing clothes. It could mean being exposed or without protection which for a writer means being authentic, true to yourself and intellectually honest in your writing. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “But I make a lot of stuff up.” I know, so do I. That fling with the bongo player thing is an example of me making stuff up. It was the bass player. But I can still be authentic, true to myself and intellectually honest while making up whatever it is I’m writing about. That authentic emotional rawness of my true emotions that are drenched in my intellectual honesty will come through if I am being authentically emotionally raw while I write the stuff I’m making up, especially if I use lots of big words. And I do find that being naked or mostly naked helps me in my raw emotional intellectual journey of discovery of my true self that takes place every time I authentically commit my words to electronic notebook, then metaphorically rip out the pages and fling them on the floor with the floor being the metaphorical blog or the blog is the metaphorical floor, I’m not sure, lately I’ve been getting confused by metaphorical metaphors. It also helps to not care what anyone else thinks, because the most important audience when you write is you. If you can’t stand you, nobody else will either.

Normally, about this time in the tip I give an example of what the tip is about by writing a short  post that illustrates what I have been explaining. But I think this post serves as both an example and a tip, or an example of a tip, but not a tip of an example. So now, that you have skimmed the surfaces with me of both multi-levelness and the art of naked writing, sally forth (though I’m not sure what a comic strip has to do with anything), and write naked. Clothing is optional.

A naked beach in the Caribbean, but it is not a French island. Image from Wikimedia Commons.

16 thoughts on “How To Write Naked: Taking Off Your Clothes

  1. How about naked reading for those of us that cannot write?!…or is it reading naked?

  2. How exactly have you labelled the buttons on the elevator that goes to all these levels?
    And can I ride it naked?
    The problem with being a male writer is that there are lots of pretty girls naked on those naked beaches, which makes holding the laptop in one’s lap a painful experience.
    And who wants to read a blog post about impacted burned bits?

    Don’t answer that Hotspur. Or Kayjai.

    • The buttons are “Here,” “There,” and “Should I Go There.”
      And of course, naked elevator rides are fun and the most fun can be had when you are heading to the Should I Go There floor.
      It sounds like you have naked beach writing experience from which you speak. My question to you is do you sit on your towel or use it to protect those more sensitive spots?
      I think we would all like to read a blog post about impacted burned bits especially if it is in the form of a limerick written by our most favorite limerickster, you. I can’t wait to read it!!

  3. Impacted burn bits…hmmm….that’s a great title! I like it! Great post, Sandy and I think naked writing is so underrated. Why just the other day in the fog, I noticed that when I went to put my top back on…wait…uh, sorry. Wrong story…never mind.

  4. can i have your address so i can buy the house next door? what? it’s not for sale? not yet…

    and i write naked a lot. however, it get a lot less written that way…

    • One of the joys of living in Florida is the realization that clothes are overrated.

      I’ll keep you abreast of any for sale signs that spring up next door.

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