Aquamarine Upper Math Specialists Captivate While Other Bloggers Refill A Wine Glass

Welcome back to my ongoing, yet to be determined what number of parts it will be series on blog writing tips. This will be part three of the ongoing yet to be determined what number of parts it will be series on blog writing tips. If you are just joining this series, you may be wondering what qualifies me to dispense such indispensable knowledge on the art of blog writing in the form of a series of posts described as tips on blog writing, I will tell you. I have exactly less than a year of experience of writing one blog that averages roughly two posts a week though I think the average number is rising and rising is usually a good thing, but I haven’t done any real mathematical calculations so any numbers I choose to use should be suspect. That, in a really large nutshell (because I used many words and needed a really large metaphorical nutshell) is what qualifies me, so let’s get on with it with it being this part of the series’ tip.

Part three of the ongoing, yet to be determined what number of parts it will be series will cover the topic of ideas. Many new bloggers agonize over coming up with a completely original idea for their blogs or perhaps they are not quite the overachievers so they settle with worrying about coming up with a completely original idea for just one of their posts. This is a waste of time. If you are like most people and most people are like most people, you may never have a completely original idea. Get over it. As most people who know anything about writing, which is what I am pretending to be, know there are only seven basic plots. Every novel, every short story, every poem, basically any written narrative comes down to one of those plots. And the reason you can have so many writers writing about the same seven basic plots and it never gets old is that each writer puts his own perspective on the basic plot and since each one of us experiences reality in a slightly different way, seeing another writer’s perspective come to life through his writing never fails to captivate.

And much as there are only seven basic plots for written narratives, there are a finite number of topic ideas for blogs, or in an underachiever’s world, posts. I don’t know what the specific finite number is but I’m pretty sure it is not infinity because then it wouldn’t be finite unless there is some upper math theory that infinite and finite are the same but just spelled differently. I don’t know, I am not an upper math specialist or even a gifted upper math amateur. I am the last person to get picked on the upper math specialist team, so when I talk the talk of upper math specialists, I have no idea what I am talking about, but I have successfully used this as a blog post idea with idea meaning to write about stuff that you are absolutely clueless about and do as little, with little meaning no, research before you begin to write because it’s not like anyone’s going to believe anything I say. I’m not sure what it is like but I felt it needed to be said, so I said it.

So now we understand that there are a finite number of ideas for blog posts and the chances of you coming up with a completely original idea are like a gajillion to one. Now, do you remember how I told you in the previous paragraph that I am not an upper math specialist? This would be the time to remember and to remember that means the chances of the chance of a gajillion to one being a correct to the eighth decimal place of correct number is yes, it is a made up number. Gajillion may not be a word. Again, I am not an upper level math specialist.

So now I know you’re thinking how do I decide which of the finite number of ideas that exist for blog posts could be my next under-acclaimed post? I’m right there with you guiding you along. No worries. You simply read someone else’s blog and then you write the same thing. Oh, you’ll change a few words, maybe have the last paragraph be first and the first last. This is your time to let your creativity shine without having to really try. You are the Yoda of bloggers. This is the genius part. Your post will be different enough that you can claim you hadn’t read the other post that yours seems so much to be a rip-off of, you and the writer of the allegedly copied blog were on the same wavelength or tapped in to the same energy field which was aquamarine whether or not you are believed about the aquamarine thing depends on how new age-y your blog looks. And of course, this only works if you don’t click the like button or leave a comment on the post that you are co-opting otherwise this claim of being on the same wavelength won’t hold water.  This illustrates what may be a future post about the dangers of clicking the like button or posting a comment before you have completely ruled out copying this post to avoid any real thinking on your part which, oddly enough, makes you think.

But here’s the real genius of the genius part in the previous paragraph. You tell the blog world that you are indeed stealing and whichever site you choose to host your little “Look At Me” party will help you do it. Yes, you will mention the other blogger by name. I know you will be tempted to just say ‘I read some blog about and…’ But this would be an epic fail. By naming the specific name of the blog post you are copying and then linking to that blog post is genius incarnate. You might think the other blogger would be mad that you copied his post and you would be wrong. Other bloggers eat this up. They love for you to link back to their posts. It gets them off. Seriously. If you do this, other bloggers will love you.

Can you spot the difference between this photo and the photo I used in my previous post and the difference is not the slight difference in camera angle even though that is a difference just not the difference I mean.

But it is a one-sided love. Oh sure, one or two might start following you, but basically these follower junkies only want to entice you to follow them and then you have to read their posts and it’s nothing but wine, wine ,wine. I apologize my spellcheck function didn’t realize I meant whine, whine, whine. Yes, they whine when their view stats drop, or if their comments fall off, or, well, I can’t think of an example for the third whine but I am sure there must be one, I just don’t know what it is. But if you savor those odd occasionally whiny online interactions, they can be entertaining and you may eventually start following them and then you realize they won and you didn’t even know a game was being played and then you realize your wine glass needs a refill.

I’m sure there is more to say on the topic of stealing other people’s work and then telling the world what you did and if I had more than a year of experience writing a blog or maybe if I had written more posts each week, I might have learned more stuff about the blog writing process of coming up with ideas and then I would have been able to pass more stuff about how to steal other people’s ideas on to you, but I think this post will prove very useful to you as you plagiarize and confess at the same time.

So, you have your homework assignments. Go out and steal a post. But not this one, it’s already been done.

45 thoughts on “Aquamarine Upper Math Specialists Captivate While Other Bloggers Refill A Wine Glass

  1. I know the answer to the picture question…do I win a prize???? The cork is standing upright in this one…huh? huh? Am I right? I love the tips and I was sooo going to copy and paste this post until you told me not to. Now I’ll have to steal one of Guap’s….

    • You have won the the greatest prize of all – the satisfaction of being right! Good luck stealing a Guapo post. Stealing from him requires the ability to link a specific song illustrated by the accompanying music video to the central idea of the post and I have not covered that topic yet. And it is quite possible that I won’t cover that topic because I have no experience doing that. Of course, I haven’t let my lack of experience keep me from postulating on things I know not. I think the takeaway here is – maybe.

  2. OMG! I just got slapped with a wet salmon – really – I have not updated this since I fell in love… You would not believe how hard it is being waited on hand and foot and generally lounging around. Apologies to my regular readers! Even the little blue ones!.

    I am lost in a sea of pseudo-olde-english with setting fire to people wearing Crocs, learning to speak Japanese, just generally being a biatch to the servants, my day seems to be a litany of stuff and giggles from the second I am woken by murderous Teletubbies to I run out of alcohol. I am not being a whinging Pom or anything. I wish you could be here to share it.

    I go, my lords and ladies; just I will update you with my nefarious activities as soon as I get a chance. No, really! Unless of course the pool with the cocktail bar is heated!.

    • And I thought I was the only one that happened to, but then I remembered the story I heard yesterday at the heated pool with a cocktail bar and I realized we are all time travelers in the stories of our lives because the story sounded so familiar and I wasn’t sure if it was because I had already written that story or if I was just planning on copying it. Sadly, now I cannot remember the story and have convinced myself that it was merely a dream and we all know how dreams become more wispy and move to edge of our consciousness as we come more fully awake or at least it sounds like it could be something that would happen. And I think you’re welcome is also appropriate here, so you’re welcome!

  3. Love your snarkyness as always ! I’ve had this happen….like when I was writing a post about allergy season, I woke the next morning to find one of my favorite blogger had beat me to it by mere minutes….. I read somewhere “there are no new ideas”; I guess its magnified in the blog world !

    • This has happened to me, too, except my post was not about allergy season and mere minutes makes it sound way closer than it really was, but except for that, exactly the same. I am still searching for that completely original idea so I guess I am most people.

  4. Sandy, you have an amazing gift for saying amazing things. I, personally, love this: “If you are like most people and most people are like most people.” I plan to steal it soon. But don’t worry. I will give you credit.

    • Elsye, you are one of my favorite bloggers to steal ideas from and call it inspiration and I always enjoy confessing that I am stealing inspiration from you, so reading that you want to steal words from me makes me realize that giving credit is a good thing when a comes to admitting who you are stealing from. I liked that line, too, and to think that I thought it, kind of blows my mind.

      • What, you don’t steal all the good stuff from me? I thought I vaguely remembered stealing that line myself. But that was way before my 3rd glass of wine. Or is it whine. I get so confused.

        • Well, then I am a third less confused because I am only on my second glass of wine which means I can still pretend like I know what I am talking about math-wise hence my inclusion of a fraction in this comment. We can steal together! I’ll be Thelma to your Louise or Louise to your Thelma, I can’t remember which was which but I would like to be the one that had sex with the young Brad Pitt and I think that was Gina Davis. And we can sing “On The Road Again” and it won’t be ironic because we will be driving on a road, or maybe that is the definition of ironic. Ironically, irony often confuses me.

            • I’m feeling more like Angelina every day except for having lots of children from different countries following me around wanting attention and calling me, mom. I think what I meant to say was I’m feeling more like Angelina would feel if she were starring in one of her movies where she is single and has no children, but can still kick ass and look good while doing it. Yes, that is closer to it.

              • OK. I am way more wholesome. And I have thinner lips. You be Angelina. Everyone will lust after you, but they will think you a horrible person and will want to have a beer with me. Then I can be president.

                I think I am getting my “bizarre ideas that stupid people have” confused a bit.

                • I do have fuller lips and lust is my favorite of the seven sins which are not the same as the seven plots but you can make use of the seven sins in any of the seven plots. And they may want to have a beer with you, but they will be buying me drinks because they are filled with lust and they think if they fill me with alcohol they might have a shot but not in a shot glass kind of way chance of taking me home, but then they’ll remember that Brad is at home waiting for me but it will be too late because they would have already bought my drinks.

                  • And I will cry into my People Magazine.

                    This isn’t shaping up so well for me. And then we drive off a cliff.

                    I want a divorce.

                    • C’est la vie as the French say or que sera sera which they also say. French people talk too much in French. The great thing about fiction is we can write our own ending and have as many hot lovers as we write for ourselves.

                      Now, I want to dance.

    • This is my first time drinking this wine and I do like it. It was on sale – buy one, get one free. I consider myself to be something of a connoisseur of inexpensive wines which means I know next to nothing about wine except that I like how it tastes, mostly, and relish those BOGO deals on wine my supermarket often has.

      • i’m not anything close to a wine expert. i prefer cabernet, but really anything red works for me as long as it’s not too sweet.

        • Ah, a man after my own wine heart. I prefer red wines, and more dry than sweet. I love chianti and red zin. Big and bold is how I like my wine and men who like big and bold wine will like drinking wine with me. I’m also a big sangria fan. And a big fan of the wine soaked fruit in the sangria. Now, I’m hungry.

          • on beach days, i’ll fill a pitcher with cab, slice up lemons and limes, dump in blackberries, peaches, pineapple, watermelon, almost anything. put that in the fridge and let it sit all day. then grill a steak on the deck and pour the sangria while it’s cooking. in fact, that’ll be tomorrow.

            • Yum! I like my steak medium rare and more on the rare side of medium rare. What time should I get there? I can bring brownies. I make wickedly good chocolaty almond brownies.

              • be there early enough to help me make the sangria and marinate the steak and then go to the beach. just a five minute walk.

                • Sounds just like heaven, if heaven features soft sand, salt air, sun kissed water, gentle breezes, sangria and grilled steaks and my vision of heaven does. I’ll see you in my heavenly vision.

  5. Elsye, that reminded me of Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps by Doris Day that was used in Strictly Ballroom. I loved that scene and the dance in that scene.

  6. A great and witty post, i loved it. Wine wise, i love sweet rose and my steak must be well done to fucked up….Hahahahaha….

    • Thanks, Evea or do you prefer 192? Wine imparts wisdom or it often feels that way and then you wake up the next day none the wiser so you realize wine wisdom doesn’t last, so you pour yourself another glass. I like giraffes but I didn’t eat a giraffe when I was in Africa because it seemed like too much for me to eat. There is always next time even though next time doesn’t always arrive in a timely fashion, or at all.

  7. As always wise and pithy insights Sandy. Just off to nick a tin of salmon for tea. Dolphin friendly or whatever. Then I’m gonna purloin a couple of posts I’ve read this week and follow your instructions to the letter!

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