This is part two of my ongoing, yet to be determined what number of parts it will be, series of blog writing tips to celebrate my impending blogagirthery. Some of you may recall that I was debating the merits of calling the upcoming one year celebration of the incarnation of my blog persona blogaversary or blogirthday. I decided to combine the two into blogagirthery to see how that sounded and it sounded like a combination of blogaversary and blogirthday so now I’m triple confused as to what to do.
However, I won’t let my triple confused state keep me from writing the second part in the ongoing yet to be determined number of parts series on blog writing tips. In the first edition which I didn’t realize was going to become an ongoing series until I got almost to the end of the first tip, I urged the new blog writer to write what you know unless you don’t know anything and then I encouraged pretense. Actually, I just said pretense was an option, but the other choice was to write about something that happened in your life no matter how trivial or mundane. I then described how to do this with my Jumbo the Elephant story by cleverly introducing the sorry with the tantalizing words of ‘for example.’
But there was an even cleverer way of luring you into the not overly interesting story of Jumbo the Elephant. I could have linked that tale of the 80s to something in the present. That something you link to should probably be fairly mundane otherwise, your readers would have preferred hearing that story instead of your oh so not interesting 80s tale. This post will give an example of how to do that space time continuum linking of two seemingly unrelated rather mundane events. And sadly or happily depending on how you feel about Jumbo the Elephant, my example will not include any references to oversized elephants.
To set the stage (this is not part of the writing tip I will shortly be illustrating but I thought it might provide a bit of insight if you know how I go about the physical act of writing this blog), I am sitting on the couch or sofa if you prefer a shorter word for the large piece of furniture I am sitting on while sipping a glass of wine that came in a bottle with a picture of a big rooster on it and also adorning the bottle are the words “47 pound rooster.” I am also eating four pieces of Dove dark chocolate promises but not at the same time, I like to take my time with dark chocolate. The laptop is perched on a small pillow that is perched on my Indian-crossed legs and I mean no politically incorrect negative cultural references to Native Americans but that is how they sat around fires in the old westerns I used to watch. I could have just said I was sitting in half lotus position if you use half lotus to describe a more comfortable version of the full lotus position but not everyone recognizes yoga terminology. Additionally, the TV is on though I am only half watching or watching half the time but I sometimes like the background noise. The next sentence will be the beginning of an example of writing a blog post by use of the space time continuum linking of two pieces of mundanity (I looked it up – it is a real word and I was using it correctly – yay me!).
“Victoria’s Secret’s Big Semi-Annual Sale. You just got to be there!” The TV blared on while I wondered why their big sales never occur when I really need them. Don’t get me wrong, I like the overpriced bra and panty store as much as the next woman who knows there is no way she would be mistaken for a Victoria’s Secret model yet is still willing to buy overpriced bras and panties because even though she doesn’t look like a Victoria’s Secret model she can imagine for just a moment as she slips the overpriced bra and panties on or off depending on whether that particular moment requires robing or disrobing, that she is one. Though every now and then, those little overpriced lacy things get ripped off of you and you really do feel like a Victoria’s Secret model or a porn star. It’s one of those or both of those.
But these thoughts of lacy underthings being ripped off of my body tend to pepper my conversations while in said emporium. And such pepperings get me a little aroused. It may be that when I find myself surrounded by the garments of titillation in a store that sells titillations but calls them bras and panties that I feel compelled to be titillating though I think it is just me having a normal conversation about something that has happened to me and my conversation partner seems to become a little titillated and takes a bit of vicarious enjoyment in my words as do standers by.
A couple of years ago, I was visiting my friend, DJ and we visited a local mall so she could do a bit of shopping. We entered the Victoria’s Secret store because DJ wanted to make a purchase there. As we passed a table laden with lacy thongs of every imaginable color, a turquoise blue one caught my eye.
Me: I should get this to replace the one that Dex ripped off of me.
Me: I had one in this color but Dex ripped it off of me a couple of weeks ago. I should replace it.
DJ: He ripped it off?
Me: Yes. But he didn’t just take it off of me. He didn’t even try to remove it. He just ripped it to shreds. There wasn’t enough left to try to put back on.
I paused, and smiled at the memory.
Me: But it was hot.
Then I noticed the young man in a business suit standing near DJ and frozen mid lifting of filmy negligee looking our way.
Me: But it was also new, I had only worn it a couple of times. I didn’t get my lacy thong money’s worth of wearings from it before it ended up in shreds. It is possible they had a quality issue. You would think it shouldn’t succumb to ripping quite so easily.
DJ: He really ripped it off? God!
Me: I know. It was hot. But then I had to go commando until I got back to my house. I told him he can’t do that every time because I can’t afford to be replacing all of my undies.
Ever since then I cannot enter the emporium of overpriced bras and panties without remembering the first time one of those overpriced lacy things was ripped to shreds as it was being ripped from my body. And then I smile that smile we all smile when we think those thoughts that make us feel like Victoria’s Secret models or porn stars or both.
This concludes this part of the ongoing yet to be determined number of parts series in blog writing tips. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I’m sure that now you will be able to use the space time continuum linking device to link two mundane events in your life so other people can read and judge you but you’ll convince yourself that they are judging your writing and not you. And then you’ll remember that you are not supposed to wonder what other people think. And then you’ll remember that you are only pretending to know what you’re talking about in your role of blog writing tipster so it doesn’t matter what you think that others are thinking of your imagined blog persona. And then you’ll finally stop typing and finish your glass of big rooster wine.