Simulating Flights Of Fancy With Wedding Crashing Naked Peaches

Yesterday, I suspended my tale of how to turn a six or seven hour drive into a two day drive to feed a giant puppy. If you are just now joining this tale, the previous sentence may have led you to believe that the purpose of the two day drive was to feed a giant puppy when, in fact, it was to attend a wedding of some relative of a friend of mine but I suspended the telling of the tale so I could feed a giant puppy that was eyeing me as if I could be its next meal. Happily, I did not become puppy chow and said giant puppy is snoozing so I have a few moments to type.

After we left the Confederate Nuclear Missile, we continued our drive north. We had planned a possible stop in Fort Valley to visit Massey Lane Gardens which is the home of the American Camellia Society. But since the gardens closed at 4:30 and it was almost 4:00, and we saw a billboard for the Aviation Museum in Warner Robins which we were almost to and I had picked up a pamphlet at the Georgia Welcome Station on the Aviation Museum so I knew it stayed open until 5:00 AND it was free, we decided to go there instead. By the time we made this decision we had missed the exit that would have taken us right to the museum so we got off at the next exit.

Before we got to the next exit we also debated and then decided to spend the night in Warner Robins so upon exiting the interstate I spied a low budget hotel and suggested it might be a reasonable choice for our overnight accommodations but it appeared to be too low budget for my friend as she thought maybe it was one of those establishments that rents rooms by the hour. I think the last hotel I stayed at was one of those that offer hourly rental rates. By last hotel I stayed at, I mean the one before the Bellagio since I stayed at the Bellagio in May and I’m pretty sure they don’t rent rooms by the hour but a few months before the Bellagio there was this hotel I stayed at that after a certain time of night locked the lobby and we had to do our room renting with the hotel clerk through a slot in a bullet proof glass window. My friend (a different friend from the one on this trip) and I joked as we walked away from the bullet proof glass window that the hotel probably rented rooms by the hour but we didn’t rent by the hour so I don’t know that to be true but that’s a story for another day or not at all.

We decided to postpone our hotel search to check out the museum with the thought being that if it seemed worthwhile we would spend the next morning there before continuing our trek northward. We had thirty minutes to check out the museum and we raced through the main building, snapping a few photos along the way. The museum workers seemed more interested in ending their shifts than answering questions so we asked a young family that was making their way to the exits if it was worth a return trip in the morning and since they said yes we knew what we would be doing the next morning.

After we zipped through the main building, it was closing time, so while still in the parking lot we used my friend’s generic iPad which is just like an iPad except that it costs much less than an iPad to book a hotel at a hotel that didn’t rent by the hour.  On the way to the hotel we stopped at Margarita’s Mexican Grill for margaritas and Mexican food. The waiter may have been hoping for a big tip because he carded us and there is no way we look like we aren’t old enough to drink alcoholic beverages and even though the food was good and he made me laugh by asking for my ID, I only left a 20% tip which is my customary tip to leave a waiter or waitress.

The next morning, we awoke to cloudless blue skies and temperatures in the 60s. It was a delightful day to explore the Aviation Museum. I dance walked through the hangar filled with World War II vintage planes because they were playing Benny Goodman and how can you not dance walk when Benny Goodman is playing? My friend who should have been video recording my dance moves instead said something along the lines of if you had a partner you wouldn’t look so weird doing that to which I replied with something about how can you not dance walk to Benny Goodman.

There were several hangars of planes to explore and lots of planes outdoors as well. I thought the coolest looking plane was the SR-71 Blackbird but it was hard to photograph because it’s black and it was indoors and it’s very large and they put a much smaller plane right next to it. There was also this big semi-circle of flags flying outside and we couldn’t figure out what the flags represented so I asked this guy sitting in the World War II vintage plane hangar if he knew the significance of the flags.

Me: What is the significance of those flags out there?

Bored worker in the World War II hangar: Those are state flags. One for each state.

Me: How embarrassing that we didn’t recognize our state flag!

In our defense, we were looking at a small section of flags when trying to discern whose flags they were and it was not the section where our state flag was so after learning our state flag was out there somewhere we looked for it and found it sort of in the middle of the semi-circle of flags.

We also rode the flight simulator which wasn’t free and after asking the flight simulator operator if the ride was worth the price and the flight simulator operator telling me he had never been asked that question we decided to splurge and spent $5 to experience the Desert Storm simulation because that was the only one that simulated a carrier catapult and landing.  I got into it with it being the spirit of the experience and not the simulator though I did get in the simulator which was required to experience the simulation experience and once I was into it I joined the commentary with a few roger thats and they’re shooting at us, that’s not good and then we got hit and I was like we’re hit and my friend was saying we’re going to crash and I was like no, we’re going to make it, we’ve still got one engine, I see the carrier and as the ride came to an end, I turned to my friend and said, “And we lived to fly another day.”

So after all of the aviation fun was had, we got back in the car and continued our journey to Atlanta. The wedding was nice as far as weddings go except the flower girl staged a mini revolt and refused to walk down the aisle. It was at this place called Flint Hill, an old house that is used for weddings and other fancy events. The setting was memorable, the food was good and people kept asking me how I knew the bride and groom and I said I don’t know them, I’m a wedding crasher. But I didn’t do any motor boating.

The drive home was not as eventful as the drive to Atlanta, but we did make a stop at High Falls State Park for a short hike to see the falls that weren’t that high but they were quite picturesque. We stopped in Fort Valley to get peaches but missed the Peach Festival because they don’t do the Peach Festival on Sundays but we did get peaches and they turned out to be quite sweet and yummy. I ate the last one today. Not the last peach on the planet but the last one I bought.

And then after more driving, I finally made it home. I walked into my house to find a naked man sitting on the floor because my life is just that surreal.

17 thoughts on “Simulating Flights Of Fancy With Wedding Crashing Naked Peaches

  1. Wow, even more of a cliffhanger ending than the last post!
    You should have said you crash weddings, but land planes.

    • I often struggle with coming up with a title that hints at what is to come without giving too much away so I usually just pick random words from the post and rearrange them until it sounds like something I might want to read, but I like your idea for a title so if I go to another aviation museum while on my way to crashing a wedding I’ll be sure to use it.

  2. I’m giggling about the flower-girl… At my first wedding, the three-year-old ring-bearer refused to carry the ring pillow. It was entirely decorative (the actual rings being safely stowed in the Best Man’s pocket), but my mother (who had SEWED the blasted thing) was quite put out… Oh well–it distracted her from the fact that I’d deliberately left my shoes behind, despite the fact that it was a “fancy” church wedding… 😉

    • It is difficult to get small children to perform on cue. Apparently, while they do fine at rehearsals in empty venues, they panic when they see crowds of people on the very important day, but I’m with you on the ditching the shoes thing!

    • I’m not quite sure how else to explain it. There was a man who happened not to be wearing any clothes or fig leaves or any other adornments except a couple of tattoos and he was sitting on the floor when I walked through the door.

  3. Hmm….nice post and it sounds like you had a good time…especially the dance walk to Benny Goodman (how can you not?) AND of COURSE there was a naked man sitting on your floor when you returned home! He was there to remind you to clean the floor…jeesh.

  4. “I got into it with it being the spirit of the experience and not the simulator though I did get in the simulator which was required to experience the simulation experience”

    -New York Times

    “Not the last peach on the planet but the last one I bought.”

    Riotously funny! -Washington Post

    “Simulating Flights Of Fancy With Wedding Crashing Naked Peaches”

    Will you write all my titles for me? -David

    • Brilliant or serendipitous or brilliantly serendipitous and thank you! I will happily write all of your titles for you. Is there compensation – chocolate tootsie pops or a bottle of wine or Captain Morgan? Perhaps I should have asked about compensation before agreeing to be your titleist but not in a golf ball kind of way.

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