Of Whales And Tax Returns

I dreamt of whales last night, though I could have said last night I had a dream about whales, which is how you would probably tell your co-worker about your weird whale dream since no one ever walks up to you and says ‘I dreamt of whales last night,’ especially in America where ‘dreamed’ is more common than ‘dreamt,’ but I like dreamt, so I dreamt of whales last night. After my recent post of questions, I’m toying with the idea of a post with one run on sentence after another and if I was going to do that today, my first sentence would be a good start, but I’ll save my Thomas Pynchon homage for another day.

So back to the whales or the whales of dreams or the dream of whales. My whale-filled dream may have been a delayed reaction to watching Big Miracle on Tuesday. Big Miracle is not about the 1980 gold medal hockey team but it is a true story, though the dialogue during the Scrabble game was probably not word for word from 1988, but just a bit of poetic license though there weren’t any poems in the movie. I liked it. “It” being the movie, though “it” could also have been my dream which I also liked.

The whales were different though. The ones in my dream. They were beluga whales in my dream and we (me and the whales) weren’t in Alaska but in Florida which is weird because belugas don’t frequent Floridian waters. Even weirder, the whales were in a river with manatees. Manatees do frequent Floridian waters so that part wasn’t weird. I can’t remember as much about the whale dream as when I first woke up. Isn’t that always the case? The farther away from the dream you get, the less you can remember unless it is one of those stay with you forever dreams like the one I had when I was a kid where alligators had taken over the world. I still remember that dream.

But I won’t bore you with alligator dreams or any more of the whale dream and not just because I can’t remember any more of it but because no one really likes listening to another person’s weird dream unless you are a psychoanalyst and you’re getting paid to listen to that dream. So why did I begin this post talking about whale dreams? Because I liked the first sentence, well not the entire sentence, just the first four words – I dreamt of whales. Yes, I liked the first four words, so much so, that I wanted to start a post with those four words even though I had no where to go with it and so I did and didn’t. I did start the post with those words and I didn’t go anywhere with it. Though oddly enough I have typed 478 words without going anywhere.

It is possible that my lack of going anywhere is due to the second glass of sangria I am enjoying. I know what you’re thinking – it’s the middle of the day and I’m on my second glass of sangria, but it’s not the middle of the day everywhere. There are some places in the world where it is cocktail hour or even tomorrow or maybe yesterday. It’s hard to know unless you know where you are. The good news is my lack of going anywhere also means I’m not driving because I don’t do that. I can’t drive and not go anywhere, I have to go somewhere when I drive.

My glasses of sangria are celebratory as I did my tax return this morning. My tax return is seven pages long which is two pages longer than last year because the IRS decided to put the detailed information that used to be on Schedule D on a new form 8949. So my return with an AGI of slightly more than $5000 and yes, that is a 5 with three zeros, and zero tax due was seven pages long. If I had itemized my deductions, my return would have been eight pages long, but there didn’t seem to be much of a point to that, and if I had itemized my deductions, they would have been less that the standard deduction which was more than my AGI.

Now, I just need to decide when to mail my return. No, I don’t efile. I want them to earn my tax dollars by having to open an envelope and shuffle a few papers. Oh wait, I’m not paying any tax dollars so does that mean when they open my envelope, they’re working for free? That’s so cool! Of course, I can no longer say “my tax dollars hard at work” unless I’m talking about local or state government since I do pay sales and property taxes.

Don’t cry for me and my zero tax return as I’m in good company or at least in the company of big companies. My zero tax return puts me in the company of General Electric and Verizon, although they made just a smidge more than the smidge more than  $5000 I made.  Too bad, they’re companies and not people. If they were people, we could start a no tax club and meet over a pitcher of sangria and they could listen to my whale dream story.



15 thoughts on “Of Whales And Tax Returns

      • I’ll have you know that I just poured my fourth glass after making a little snack of the fruit that was in the bottom of my glass. But when I typed that paragraph I was still on my second glass and it was still the middle of the day.

    • I rode in a corporate jet once. Not the jet of the corporation I worked for but of a corporation that was wooing us and it worked. We said we chose them because they had a better product, service, etc, but really it was a case of woo. We were quite wooed or wowed by the ride home in the corporate jet that saved us from awful redeye flights home.

  1. Hmmm…the sangria sounds like a good idea to me no matter what time of day it is…and I was thinking ‘dreamt’ was a word but every time I typed in a sentence, the word Gods decided it was wrong and would correct it to ‘dreamed’…*sigh* I KNEW I WAS RIGHT. Thanks for backing me up,sista. Now pass me a glass of that sangria, will ‘ya? Thirsty over here….

  2. No judgement here, two bloggers i follow are in Australia, so I have long given up on tryingto keep track of what/where other time zones are ….and sangria? Yum.

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