Yesterday I made a trek to the big city. The why of the trip is not so important, but it was a day of smiles, food and salsa dancing. I hadn’t danced salsa in about a year since the tiny hamlet where I reside is not a hotbed of salsa dancing or anything else. I wasn’t sure how much I remembered, but apparently it is quite like riding a bicycle and it all came back once I began to dance.
It was late when I got home, but I was still wired from the dancing and the drive and possibly the amount of caffeine I had ingested over the course of the day, so I decided to check my email before climbing into bed. Before I get to the surprise that laid in wait in my inbox, I’ll provide some background for contextual purposes and to drive up the word count on this post.
Several days ago, I read a post by Les over on Bestbathroombooks. Les, in accepting the Glitter E. Yaynus award, wrote what I consider to be the best ever blog award acceptance speech. I even commented on his post that I thought it was the best ever blog award acceptance speech, thus making him the most deserving blogger for my No Bunny Does It Better Award that I recently created in my post that was an homage to the weird and wacky blog awards that abound in blogland. I urged him to steal the No Bunny Does It Better Award and wear it with pride or maybe just a t-shirt and jeans. In truth, I left off the ‘wear it with pride or maybe just a t-shirt and jeans’ but that is because when I made that comment I clearly was functioning on more sleep and less caffeine than I am as I write this.
As I was reading his post, my sphincter was quite relaxed as I knew he would never pass the Glitter E. Yaynus award on to me as my blog is so far on the edge of his peripheral vision as to be invisible. He did however, pass the award on to three bloggers who are somewhat familiar with my blog. Again, I was sure I would never receive this Glitter E. Yaynus award since I barely register as a blip on the radar screens of two of the bloggers that he named and the third blogger often tells me I am “classy.” Admittedly, she has never met me outside of blogland and those of you who have met me outside of blogland are probably laughing at the thought of someone thinking I am classy, but I feel a little like Grace Kelly in Rear Window every time H.E. calls me classy.
So imagine my suprise, nay, shock, upon opening an email from my ‘sista’ H.E. Ellis, the very same H.E. who is fond of calling me classy, that announced that she had passed the Glitter E. Yaynus award on to me. She probably should have also passed a roll of toilet paper so I could wipe away the tears of, well, let’s call them joy. Now I must come up with an acceptance speech that I know will fall short of the best ever acceptance speech for a blog award and remain classy by channeling Grace Kelly. The stress of it has left me feeling a bit blocked, but I shall endeavor to put together enough words in a coherent manner to insure my juices, both creative and non, are once again flowing as I sit on my throne enjoying the benefits of a Glitter E. Yaynus award.
There are rules which I may or may not abide by, but I’ll get to that in a moment. First, I must thank the person who nominated me for this dare I say awesome award. I know awesome is the most over used adjective in the English language and as such it is an appropriate adjective to describe the Glitter E. Aynus award. However, since I granted H.E. Ellis the very first Most Awesomely Awesomesauciest Awesome Award of Awesomeness that I recently created, I think that served as preemptive thanks.
Next, I am to blindfold myself and walk out on a freeway. Now, I wasn’t born yesterday. In fact, I was born 19,935 yesterdays ago, so I am not going to fall for this trick to try to eliminate me and my humble little blog from blogland. Also I have better uses for my blindfold which I will most likely be using in the coming days though going into detail about said blindfold use might make me appear more like Elizabeth Berkley in Showgirls rather than Grace Kelly in Rear Window, and I want to maintain a bit of class as I go about shining the spotlight on my Glitter E. Yaynus award.
Now I must tell you five things about me that make other people want to kill me. This is most difficult because, much like Mary Poppins, I am practically perfect in every way though I can understand how discovering practical perfection in another person might drive someone to kill. I rather think said killing would be a suicide rather than a homicide since who would want to eliminate a practically perfect person? However, there might be one or two people who dislike my tendency to end their sentences for them. I only do it when the pauses in their orations are excessively long and then that becomes a matter of dispute as they tend to claim the pauses are mere seconds long while I am sure the pauses are several minutes long. I also have an amazing ability to state the obvious and I do take delight in stating the obvious especially when the obvious is what everyone is thinking but is too afraid to say out loud, but not me. I also delight in occasionally breaking rules, defying authority and living dangerously, though again, most of this rule breaking, authority defying, dangerous living is done in my imagination, but just this once I’ll put that philosophy in action.
Next, I am to list five things that I would stick up my ass. I am quite sure that PETA would stringently object to my sticking foreign or any other kinds of objects up the backside of a donkey so I must politely and with great class decline and if my refusal to follow this rule is grounds for repossessing my Glitter E. Yaynus award, then in the famous words of me, “Oh, well.”
Lastly, I must pass this Glitter E. Yaynus award on to five deserving bloggers whose blogging style reminds me of the criteria for the Glitter E. Yaynus award but since I’m not quite sure what that criteria is, I’m making up my own criteria. Now, Les likened his slate of nominees to Death Row and H.E. likened hers to a Prom Court. Since I have not spent time in prison or at a prom, I’m going to liken my slate of nominees to an insane asylum or more specifically to the crazy train on route to said insane asylum.
So let’s hop on board the crazy train and meet our cast of looney toons, not that I think any of them are actually looney toons though they all may be thinking they should have made that left at Albuquerque right about now.
Gingerfightback should be our looney toons engineer while Dampsquid will be our conductor. Elyse who thinks she is still FiftyFourandaHalf will be tending bar in the club car while MJ, Evil Stepmom will be trying to explain to everyone how 2+2=7 and Ramblings of an Apathetic Adult Baby rambles on about whatever apathetic adult babies ramble on about. Our little crazy train will be filled with laughter and crazy talk of the Glitter E. Yaynus variety.
I urge my nominees to read Les’ and H.E.’s posts for a better understanding of just what constitutes a Glitter E. Yaynus since my overwhelming feelings of constipation since learning I was the latest victim, er, recipient may have colored my view of the Glitter E. Yaynus award a distasteful shade of brown.
It’s such a wonderful moment when we see the little dooties we call blogs grow into big time poop fests deserving of such an honor. So go forth, my looney toons, crazy train Glitter E. Yaynus awardees and with much ado, do make your fellow Glitter E. Yaynus pals proud! Or not. I fully understand if you prefer to adopt a rule breaking, authority defying, dangerous living attitude and forget I mentioned you.