I am in the midst of a crisis which may or may not be existential. Over at The Idiot Speaketh, Mark is nearing his 2,000,0000th visit on his blog. This got me wondering when I would reach the two million hits mark. After reviewing my site stats, and doing the least amount of math possible, I calculated this will occur in 237 years, give or take a few days.
This distant date would not be a problem if I were a Time Lord. I would be in my 5th or 6th incarnation happily blogging about my time travel adventures when this milestone would be reached. Sadly, I am not from Gallifrey. Nor am I overly optimist that there will be some scientific breakthrough in the next few years that will cause life spans to increase exponentially by, say, 237 years. I’m not overly optimistic about anything. Though I’m not a pessimist. I’m somewhere in the middle of being an optimist and pessimist not sure what that is called – a realist, pragmatist, minimalist or some other ist. It’s like how you answer that glass half full or half empty question. I tend to see the glass as too big and then I wonder why I didn’t use a smaller glass or pour more into the big glass. Unless the glass size and contents weren’t my choice so why did someone hand me a glass that was only half full? Half full? If I just described the glass as half full then I must be more optimistic than pessimistic, right? And why am I looking to you for validation that my description of the glass is an optimistic one? I don’t have an answer to that last question which I believe explains the crisis which may or may not be existential.
So why aren’t the hits coming my way? I’m sure it has to do with my less than prolific posting history. I can go days, or weeks, without posting, or not posting on this site. I do occasionally post on another completely anonymous blog when I find myself in a dark place. Talk about existential crisis. No, I’m not going to tell you the name of the other site. It’s anonymous after all and some of you know me and I don’t need you worrying about my mental health inappropriately or unnecessarily.
I’ve thought about posting every day. Sometimes I start to write something, then change my mind about the direction it is taking or I lose inspiration. Take this post. I started it last Wednesday. I’d write a few lines, maybe even a whole paragraph, then get stuck. I’ve been dealing with writer’s block. As you may know, writer’s block is when your imaginary friends stop talking to you. I don’t think it is because I did something to piss them off. I think they found my bottle of rum and now they’re passed out on the floor. At least, I think they’re on the floor. The last voice I heard came from the general direction of the floor. I can’t see them, they are imaginary, after all. If I could see them that would mean I was hallucinating and that would mean I was crazy and I don’t think I’m crazy.
Now, you might be thinking, ‘You’re hearing voices. That’s crazy.’ Not at all. Many people hear voices or a voice – Joan of Arc, Son of Sam – and only about half of them are crazy. I’m erring on the side of cautious optimism in believing that I’m in the not-crazy-voice-hearing demographic.
I’m more interested in why my imaginary friends were partying like it was 1999 which it isn’t. It may be that they heard through the psychic hotline that both Mr. Hotspur and Ms. Ellis just passed the 10,000 hit mark. It’s somehow fitting that they reached this milestone at nearly the same time. I’ve long suspected that they could be Siamese twins separated at birth and given up for adoption and adopted by different families, assuming, of course, that Siamese twins could be different genders and ages, which they can’t, though anything is possible in the blogosphere, except my living another 237 years.
So the 2 million hit milestone seems as close as the Crab Nebula which is thousands of light years away, but perhaps the 10,000 hit mark is reachable in my lifetime. I’m not going to do the math for that one because my head still hurts from doing the math last Wednesday for the first paragraph, but I am optimistic that it is a considerably shorter span of time than 237 years.
So congrats to Mark, EH, HE and all the bloggers who are nearing or just passed significant mileposts. Thanks for blazing the path. Please, dear friends, leave a trail of breadcrumbs or beer cans so I can follow behind you because my imaginary friends are a tad unreliable and lack a GPS.