Thumbelina To Spare Ernest From Decades Of Wordiness

Some of you may remember that way back in September or there abouts, I volunteered to update the tale of Thumbelina for H.E.’s F*cked Up Fairy Tales project. It was due no later than April 1st and in keeping with my procrastinating nature I finally sat down in earnest, but not with Ernest as I don’t know anyone named Ernest, the last week of March to write my story and then emailed my tale on March 29th with a whole day to spare which is like a month early to normal non-procrastinating types.

I was a bit nervous about it as I had not written a short story since high school and that was decades ago. It is now up on her blog and you can read it there. It is a bit wordier than my normal wordiness, but I think it is a quick read. I’d love to know what you think so you can comment there or here though there is probably more convenient. Hope you click over there and check it out!

Big Pile Of Dirt – Day After Yesterday If Yesterday Was Wednesday Edition

So just to be clear we have not entered a time warp or traveled in the TARDIS although I always thought I would make a great TARDIS companion but not a companion for the TARDIS but a companion in the TARDIS. Instead, I am writing this a couple of days after I intended to write it but like some intentions and best laid plans, I was too pooped to pop out any clever  bon mots or mots of any kind on the day after Wednesday because that was a day of extreme dirt shoveling.

I’m not sure my bon mot popping is any better in a non-pooped state, so I’ll just get right to the point because I am losing battery power quickly and I”m not even battery operated though I occasionally operate things with batteries and one of those things is my laptop. So on to the pictures that tell the real story as every picture does and these pictures will tell a story of progress.

After three hours of dirt shoveling, the Big Pile Of Dirt is starting to look like a Small Pile of Dirt.

From this angle, it looks even smaller which means that not only is everything relative, it also depends on your angle of relative distance to everything or in this case, just to the pile of dirt.

 

 

Big Pile Of Dirt – Does Anybody Really Know What Day It Is Edition

Of course, I know what day it is. It’s today and it will be today all day until today becomes tomorrow at which time we’ll call this today yesterday and tomorrow today. It’s an ongoing cycle where yesterday becomes today which becomes tomorrow. There are only three days that matter though really today is the only one that matters since yesterday is only something that once was and tomorrow is still to come.

I have lost track of how many days have transpired since the big pile of dirt was dumped in my yard. This morning the non-Lord of the Rings tree people arrived and began the tree and vine removal process. I thought it would take them all day, but it only took three hours. It would have taken me three months, but there is only one of me and there were four of them plus they had giant trucks and chainsaws and knew what they were doing.

So after they were gone, I had to run to the bank though I drove instead because it is too far for me to run and then I fixed myself some lunch and it was back to dirt shoveling. I may have overdone it because I am very tired. And there is still an insane amount of dirt to be shoveled but much like Scarlett O’Hara, I’ll think about that when today becomes tomorrow. Now, I’ll delight you with more dirty pictures.

This is the vine choked area that needed to be cleared. You can also see the giant stump from a huge oak tree that was removed about ten years ago. That was also destined for removal at the time this picture was taken which was yesterday.

This is the same area but from a slightly different angle and you can see the vines better.

This is the same area after the tree people finished today and also after I began filling the hole with dirt from the big pile. It’s hard to tell from this, but the hole is still a long ways from being filled.

Same area but different angle.

And this is what remains of the big pile of dirt after today’s shoveling of said dirt concluded. And that concludes this post.

 

 

 

 

 

Because Sometimes You Have To Get A Little Dirty

So some of you, or possibly only one of you, may have been wondering about the status of the big pile of dirt since last I recounted dirt filled tales. I am happy to report that the big pile of dirt is approximately half its original size though unchanged since my last dirty report.

Because I haven’t been shoveling dirt lately. Because when people say it’s a jungle out there they might be talking about parts of my yard. Because the area that the remainder of the dirt is destined for is still in its uncleared, vine choked state. Because I was slow in getting bids to clear the vines. Because I am reluctant to do the vine clearing myself. Because some of the vines are poison ivy or have nasty thorns, not to mention the possibility of encountering snakes of the venomous kind of which three kinds have been sighted in or near my yard. Because I hate doing that sort of thing with that sort of thing being both dangerous vine clearing and getting bids to clear dangerous vines.

I took a chance in the previous paragraph and used a literary device known as beginning every sentence with ‘because’ because I figured you might have questions and I would read your collective minds though I know I say just above the comment box that I don’t read minds but sometimes I think maybe I can, so I did, and then I answered them but without writing out the questions because you were already thinking them and that would be redundant, so you’re welcome for the lack of redundancy. Now the bids have been gathered and the tree people (though not the Treebeard tree people) will be here Wednesday to do all the clearing of vines and trees that pose a danger to the house and then dirt shoveling will resume.

In other news, I spent the previous 24 hours with my best friend for what may be the last time as he is moving 1320 miles away on Thursday and we won’t see each other again before then. I’m bummed but not sad. I think the sadness might hit later. But we did have a good time yesterday afternoon and last night and this morning. We ended our time together with a motorcycle ride. Top speed for a very short stretch  - 105 mph – woohoo!

I wanted to have a picture of him on his bike, but he wanted to take a picture of me on his bike, so this is me on his bike. I know it almost looks like I’m riding it, but I’m not. He wanted me to stand the bike up and balance on it but I couldn’t because it weighs a ton or felt like it did and I’m a very little person, but not a dwarf.

The Very Cherry Abby Normal Spicy Megan Birthday Punch

Normally, I wouldn’t extol the virtues of being very normal since I prefer a state of abnormality as there is a certain je ne sais quoi vibe that accompanies existing in the Abby Normal realm though you needn’t adhere to a strictly black and white lifestyle whilst visiting but you can use random French phrases like je ne sais quoi  or viva la abbynormalcy. It’s possible that abbynormalcy isn’t a French word or an English word but that’s the upside of an Abby Normal lifestyle, you can make up words to turn any normal occasion into an abnormal occasion. But this isn’t an abnormal occasion, or even a normal occasion.

This is the Very Normal occasion of Miss Megan’s birthday. She’s of such a young age that she’s probably excited about her birthday and I’m excited she’s excited. She’ll be even more excited to know that her dear friend and blogger extraordinaire, H.E.Ellis, has thrown together a birthday party just for her.  And if that’s not exciting enough, we, with we being the birthday party throwers, are to create a new drink in Miss Megan’s honor.

Now, new drink creation requires experimentation so I spent the day but not today if you are reading this on April 15th which is the big Very Normal birthday celebration day but yesterday which is the day I found out that I needed to conduct experiments of the fermented liquid kind to arrive at the best drink to honor such a Very Normal girl as our sweet Megan. Then I had to sober up just a wee bit to write this Very Normal birthday wish.

I’m sure Miss Megan will be delighted by all her new drink choices because she is an aspiring writer and aspiring writers like to drink while they aspire to writing or at least that’s the way Hemingway approached his craft. He was so good at drinking while aspiring that he got a bar named after him in Key West. He also got six-toed cats named after him but I don’t think alcohol was involved with that.

I tried a few mash ups with vodka because of the obvious potato reference and the idea of naming a drink a Megatini or maybe a Meganini but then I saw the bottle of tequila and who doesn’t like tequila, not to mention I thought Meganita would be a very obvious choice for a name of a drink for a drink vaguely margarita-ish to honor Miss Megan. Of course, if slightly intoxicated me thought that would be an obvious choice then surely one of the other party throwers might choose that so clearly I had to go in a different direction.

I needed to choose a liquor that would lead back to Megan in that circular logic kind of way that dwellers of the Abby Normal realm tend to use. Now, she is an aspiring writer who has written about dragons and I’m sure most people think about pirates when they think about dragons or maybe that’s just slightly intoxicated me, but I think of pirates when I think of dragons and that (the pirates not the dragons) makes me think of rum. Coincidentally, rum is my favorite mixable beverage and my rum of choice is every pirate’s dragon dreaming choice. Of course, I’m talking Captain Morgan Spiced Rum.

I like it because I can drink copious amounts with no ill effects and it mixes so well with Coke and a twist of lime or Seven-Up or ginger ale or sometimes just a squirt of lime juice because you realize you’ve run out of mixers. But all those mixers are oh so ordinary and even though Megan thinks of herself as Very Normal, I think she is Very Special so she needs a mixer that truly mixes it up and takes you by surprise and then lets you just melt into it so that you lean back in your chair with a smile on your face as you think to yourself, “That’s a Very Cherry Abby Normal Spicy Megan Birthday Punch!” or maybe “That’s pretty tasty!” Either way, you’ll be smiling.

Now, recipes with exact measurements are written by those with the means of exactly measuring ingredients. Sadly, I am not one of those exact measurement types but I will describe my process which is what writers like to do and I like to pretend I’m a writer so it should all work out.

Take a glass. I used one of those largish Tervis type glasses that those who enjoy tropical outdoor lifestyles or just want to pretend they do use. Then I poured some Captain Morgan Spiced Rum in it. I’d say there was about three or four fingers worth so maybe an ounce or two. Then I filled the glass up with ice. I used cubes rather than crushed but I’m not sure that it matters although crushed ice might give it a slushy feel so I might try that next time. Then I added one of my new drink discoveries, Mike’s Hard Black Cherry Lemonade, and used that to fill up the glass. And voila! You not only have another random French word, you have a Very Cherry Abby Normal Spicy Megan Birthday Punch.

In the interest of almost full disclosure, my friend, Chris, came up with the ingredients for this drink after I ran out of mixer ideas, and his recipe is indeed very yummy, but I came up with the name and it honors our honoree. So, Miss Megan, I hope today is your best Very Normal birthday yet! Enjoy your very first Very Cherry Abby Normal Spicy Megan Birthday Punch and all the other drinks mixed up just for you!

It’s Official!

So like the title says, it’s official  I’ve been retired. Some of you might be thinking that’s old news and you would be mostly right. I lost my job in the 2008 downsizing extravaganza and resisted using the “retired’ designation preferring the ever popular “unemployed.” After all I tend to think of retirement as a choice and my job cessation was not  my choice.

However, I’m not talking about my loss of employment but rather the fact that I will never ever again be a named storm. Some of you might remember how ecstatic I was to be a named storm this last hurricane season before I became a super storm of massive destruction and then I felt a little silly for wanting to have a hurricane named after me. To be fair to me, it’s rare that Sandy comes up as a name and even rarer that it gets a chance to be used. But global warming being what it is, my name came up and then I turned into a super storm and now I’m feeling ambivalent about the whole “I got a hurricane named after me” thing.

But good news! I will never ever be another hurricane. Brian Williams just told me and everyone else watching NBC Nightly News that my name, much like Michael Jordan’s number, has been retired.

But don’t cry for me, Argentina, or anywhere else that a hurricane might hit. I had my day in the spotlight of The Weather Channel. And though I didn’t save all the news headlines as one friend suggested, I’ll always have the memories of how I became the most talked about weather phenomenon in recent memory.

Satellite image showing Hurricane Sandy near peak intensity on Oct. 25, 2013 from Wikimedia Commons.

 

A Bit Of Advice On The Trifecta Writing Challenge

The best advice I never gave was to never give advice but now that I have broken my rule about never giving advice, my advice is to pass along this bit of advice.

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This was my response to the Trifecta Weekend Challenge to write 33 words on the best advice you’ve ever given.